It’s wrapped in extreme heartache, disbelief, confusion and emotional trauma. In my experience, it is one of the toughest things to overcome. It comes without warning or invitation, and it attacks ones physical, mental, and emotional being. There is no mathematical equation and or formula that will help one comprehend grief.
If you’re in waiting, perhaps look back and see if you can remember any instructions or leadings that you didn’t respond to. Repent if necessary, and obey the last instruction you can remember. He’s a good father and is not going to give us a snake when we ask for food, but He is also a wise father, and a loving one, who is willing to discipline us, for our own benefit.
Escaping and hiding my shame was no fairytale. My relationship with my boyfriend was hard. It was rocky. We were two lost kid’s attempting to come together as a family. We were prideful and selfish. I was fighting to keep my little family together.
Hope is not lost, faith has not failed – Your Shepherd is here to rescue and set your feet back on a sure path. You simply must let Him in, not to where you pretend to be, but where you really are – right now, today.
I will say, for me in those years of dabbling with Pornography, I “catfished” myself. I was afraid to face my own truths of letting people know this was my sin and my pain. So I catered to porn instead of cultivating my relationship with Jesus
Sister, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. I feel you, I too have felt like this. It was not until One day I decided to call it in early and go upstairs when I heard my then 3yr old say “Daddy, Mommy just needs to take a nap and then she’ll feel better!” as much as it broke my heart to hear her say that, it was the truth. I needed to sleep! I needed to refresh so that I may fulfill my wife/motherly duties with a joyful heart.
What do I mean by weathered, in a storm some things like houses or cars can still withstand the storm, but has some wear and tear on it from when debris was flying in the air and hit the car so hard it cracked the windshield, or hit the side of the house where it caused deeply plunged scratches on the side of the house.
Disappointment can cloud your heart and your vision. It can change the way you think and see God. It can turn hope into hopelessness and faith into cynicism.