I watched a video this week that really sparked me to write this blog. For those of you who have been following, you know the Lord has been dealing with me about boundaries and having a healthy soul. This has also included me having to re-evaluate the dating scene in my life.
During my journey of having a healthy soul, the Lord started to show me things about me. During this self-reflection, He showed me areas that I needed to change. I would pray “Lord send my husband, I’m ready!” Guess what?! He has yet to send the “one.” I tried to make others the “one,” but of course the relationships failed.
Most of them have been on the actions of the male, but I can’t say that I’ve been a total angel in the relationship either. My past hurts and wounds definitely put more strain on the relationship. I have carried unresolved soul ties, trust issues, daddy issues, unforgiveness issues, unworthiness issues, and the list goes on and on.
So… As I’m doing this mirror, mirror, on the wall reflection, I begin to realize that I was never ready to marry. If I had gotten married, I would’ve destroyed the marriage, that’s if the man didn’t beat me to it first.
For no good reason, I pushed the good ones away and endured more pain and hurt from the wrong one’s then I should have. All of my issues were allowing me to be okay with dealing with non-sense that God never created me to deal with (cheating, lying, emotional and physical abuse.) In many of my relationships, I somehow took on the role of what man should be doing. Guess what?! God NEVER called the woman to be the man in the relationship, and God NEVER called the man to be the woman in a relationship!!!
I had unresolved issues that gave me a perverted way of thinking of how a relationship should be. Have you ever thought? If I can change him/her, things will work out. If I can make him/her into a better person, he/she will see how great I am. If he/she cheats and I stay, he/she can see how loyal and down I am for him/her. If I buy him/her whatever he/she wants, he/she will love me. If I endure this cheating, abusive relationship, he/she will one day change. If I make him/her do this and that, it will save our relationship. If I forgive him/her one more time, it will be their last.
Don’t act like you haven’t thought these things before! Either way, this is not the way God created us to be. He created us to be whole and for two people to come together as one. I know marriage isn’t easy, but I now know that God didn’t create the list above to be a remedy for a healthy relationship either.
I have set boundaries for myself to try and keep my “healthy” soul healthy. I have stopped going on pointless dates, because I feel lonely. I have stopped certain conversations, because they lead nowhere. If they don’t possess the things that are needed to not only sustain myself and my calling; I don’t want it! I have wasted too many years with the wrong men, and I refuse to waste any more time.
I say all of this to say; you have to be healthy to have a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships start with you first!!! Healing starts with one knowing there is a problem first. The doctor won’t give you medicine until you show symptoms of a problem. God cannot heal what you are not willing to confront.
If you want a healthy relationship make sure you are healthy first or you will infect your relationship with poison. Over the next few weeks ask God to take you on a journey of healing. This entails humbling yourself and putting your pride down. Ask yourself how badly do you want to find love?!
Here are some starter steps…
1. Ask God to show you areas that you need to confront and change
2. Ask God to show you people, you need to let go of
3. Once He shows you, put a game plan into action
4. Be dedicated to becoming the one God has created you to be
5. Set boundaries
6. Be consistent in pursuing your healing
7. And, most important ALWAYS seek God in the things and ways you should go
When you know your worth and who God really created you to be, you won’t settle for anything that just comes your way. You will remember who God created you to be, and you will move on to the one who God created you to be with!
NEVER forget that you were born into royalty; don’t let anyone treat you like a peasant!
But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9 NASB
Great blog Vaness! I especially liked when you said “God cannot heal what you are not willing to confront.” Very true words.
Thanks for sharing
Cindy, it’s one of the hardest things to do, but one of the most rewarding! Thanks for reading 🙂
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